You Need to Stop Shaming Me for Being Single.

You need to stop shaming me for being single.


It’s not ME.  It’s YOU.





Being single Being single is not a disease



I have been questioned, studied and treated with

carnival-like wonder for decades because I am single.  I have received a humbling amount of superlatives over the years which I truly appreciate, like these:


“I don’t understand.  You’re so great!”  “You’re very attractive.”  “You’re well-dressed.”  “You’re well-traveled.”  “You’re so smart and funny.”  “You’re kind and very cool.”


Lovely, right?  



Being single Being single is not a disease



Nevertheless, I remain single much to the disdain, discomfort, and distaste of family, friends, colleagues and strangers.  Over the years, I’ve discovered that my single status makes people uncomfortable for a variety of reasons like these:


My Single Status Does Not Have A Hostile Agenda.


Some women have a paranoid and unsubstantiated fear that I will hit on their significant other.


Other women have a paranoid fear that their significant other will hit on me.  I have no way of knowing if those hang-ups are valid.  If they are, then those women should rethink their choice of mate.


Some men think their wives or girlfriends will “get ideas” about embracing their independence, if they spend too much time with me; that they will miss the freedom that comes with being single.  


Still, others see me as a living, breathing reminder that anyone can wind up being single at any time in their life.  Some people I know fear that if their current relationship does not work out that they could be “on the market” and never find love again.  Guess what?  That is a real possibility. So many people never find it.




Being single Being single is not a disease



People have intentionally left me off of their guest lists because of being single.  I have been disinvited to parties and events when the host realized I would not be bringing a date.  People have admitted to me that their photos would “not look right” because I would be the only single person in them.  What should I do, grab a random person off the street to accompany me so the host could feel more comfortable?


Family and friends have pleaded and implored with anger that I “must bring a date” to their shindig.  How insulting!  Since when am I not enough?


Stop asking me to explain why at age 50 I am still single.  For fuck sake, we still don’t know who built Stonehenge or who shot JFK!


Stop shaming me for being single.  It’s just rude, ignorant and insensitive.  Instead, try to get a grip on finding happiness and security in your life.


A crazy number of  “committed” relationships fall woefully short of expectations, fail, or end up as the scary feature story on Dateline.  So, spare me your smugness.




Being single Being single is not a disease



The truth is that I am one of the most approachable people you will ever meet.  I am not shy, and I usually carry a smile 🙂  


It’s not Me.  It’s You.


I’ll talk to just about anyone who doesn’t look like a serial killer.


I am passionate about several things and curious about the world, in general.


I take a genuine interest in the people in my life,  I phone,  I visit,  I show up.  And not only for major life celebrations but because the real meat of life is what happens in between the milestones.


Stop telling me that I am “too picky.”  I am exactly the right amount of picky for a mature adult who is looking to find a life partner (that’s forever, people!).  “Settling down” is the saddest phrase I have ever heard!


Not Everyone Is Lucky In Love.


Historically, men have treated me like some toy, someone to tease, someone to “date on a bet.” (Yeah, that happened!)


The fools who passed through my orbit over the years had a striking similarity.  None of them were serious about a relationship because most of them were already in relationships when they pursued me!  You read that right, ladies.  Men wander.  Yeah, that shit still happens in 2017!  Humans don’t change that much.


None of the “available” men who sniff around me are serious either.  Whatever hang-ups or insecurities they harbor from their past relationships have left them sniveling, cowering shells of themselves.  So, while some of those men may dip a toe in my orbit, they are too paralyzed to take the full plunge.  Their loss!


The men I meet threaten me with phone calls, text messages, and dates that never materialize.  There are never any apologies for not following through and leaving me hanging.



Here’s How I Handle Being Single.


Luckily, I have always been comfortable in my skin and with being single.  I have never once considered making myself smaller or dulling my shine just to make a man feel confident.  If you’re not strong enough to be my man, don’t waste my time!


Sure, I would love to be in a happy and healthy relationship, but that does not happen for everyone.  It’s OK, though.  No pity party here!


Being single has not prevented me from living my life in an exclamation point.  I do what I want whenever I want.  I don’t wait on the sidelines of life for anyone.  If I had done so, I would not have any of the wonderful memories which I made happen for myself.


Being single is not a disease.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with it.  So, please stop treating me like I’m “Patient Zero!”


It is tricky to tell my personal history without my words coming across as bitter or angry.  Trust me; they are not.  Not even a little bit.  I’m only disappointed at they way people still mistreat me and others for being single.  


The next time you open your mouth to pass judgment upon me for being single, remember that your preconceived notions likely have more to do with you than me.


It’s not ME.  It’s YOU.


{Editors note:  I am breaking with the usual theme of writing about my solo travels and adventures to offer some personal insight on being single.  I hope my story helps even one person.]

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